He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
