Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
