I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
should my penis look like a turkey
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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