And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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