he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
