I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
