I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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