can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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