Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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