I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
