Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
