It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
