he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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