Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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