Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
