Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
