just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
