The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
