He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
