she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
how drunk are you?
Several
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He has the fingertips of a God
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
