I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
