I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Randomize
