oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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