At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize