Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
