we have officially lost it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
