So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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