in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
