i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
