i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
