I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize