Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
