Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
