summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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