so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
