I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
