Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
