Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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