My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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