i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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