Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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