this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
