What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
