We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
