We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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