i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
