he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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