you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
