No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
