never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
