apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
