So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
