how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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