So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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