In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
