Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
