Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
