My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize