atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
where are you?
Hypothermia
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
