dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
