dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
whose ass print is on the piano?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
