Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
