Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
