Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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