I wish I could teleport
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
