I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
