my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize