he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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