I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
