can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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