were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Drake has all the answers
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize