saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
