She is in my trunk
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
