My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
